Ambition is the last refuge of failure.
Published on June 24, 2009 By Silver_and_Jade_Tears In Life

I now understand why American's are so apathetic.  Sadly, it is beginning to happen to me as well.  You see, at first you are hopeful, hopeful that your opinions matter, that you, as an American citizen matter, that you have a voice through your vote.  But then you begin to realize that it doesn't matter what party you vote for, you are going to be bent over, and screwed by both parties. 

So to escape the problems caused by our government, we delude ourselves with things that we are told are important, careers, new houses, new cars, newest technology, etc.  We get so caught up in whether or not we are going to be able to pay off that 15,000$ line of credit that we took out to pay for all the STUFF that we felt we needed to have.

And here I am, getting swept along in it with the rest of society.  But there is part of me that is screaming inside... WHY DOES IT MATTER? 

I get so stressed out about my job, about whether or not I am needed in my position, about the possibility of being let go because the military doesn't give a shit about contractors. 

I have been stressed out about my living situation, because three days after I moved into my new apartment, the landlord told us that his living situation had fallen through, so we needed to be out by the end of the month.

I am stressed about my PoS car that has a failing transmission, and the fact that I can't afford another car that wont be the same, or worse, off than the one I have now.  I refuse to go into debt, for me, credit seems alarmingly stupid.

I have been stressed out with all the little SHIT that constantly floods in, of society around me screaming YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE AND THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN IS TO BUY THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!

And I am so tired of it.

What is the point of working 40 hours a week, just so you can have the "best" place to live in?  The dream of having one's own home with 2.5 children, and a white picket fence just doesn't fit for me.  I don't want to have to lock myself into the worry for the rest of my life of "how am I going to pay these bills if I lose this job."  And that is what our society is centered on.

Why?  Why, why, why?

I can't do it.  I cannot sit here, and make plans about where I am going to live, for how long, and what is plan B if this job begins to layoff, and how much do we have in savings...  I just can't.  It's pointless for me.  I don't aspire to be rich, or famous, or normal.  I simply want to enjoy life my way, which means discovering who and what I am, and the growth and developement of my spiritual side.  None of that includes working at a 40 hour/week desk jobb, leasing an apartment, and planning for future children.

So I am getting out of this "normalcy."  I am going to spend the next year and a half putting everything into order, canceling certain services, saving up a bit of money, and selling the majority of my "stuff." And then I am going to start walking.  To nowhere... to everywhere.  I am going to learn how to live by depending only on myself, and my abilities, whether it concerns medicine, or food.  It will simply be me, and the harsh reality of nature.

Ideally, in the spring of 2012, I will head out.  Out of this cage that I feel I am in by attempting to live like others, and out of the area.  I was born a nomad at heart, and it is time for me to indulge in that side of me. 

Here's to hoping, and attempting to avoid apathy.

 


Comments (Page 1)
on Jun 24, 2009

What is the point of working 40 hours a week, just so you can have the "best" place to live in?  The dream of having one's own home with 2.5 children, and a white picket fence just doesn't fit for me.  I don't want to have to lock myself into the worry for the rest of my life of "how am I going to pay these bills if I lose this job."  And that is what our society is centered on.

 

On the contrary, I think that 1950's mentality is changing. It's kicking and screaming as it goes, but there are lots of people who are kicking off the pants that society places on them. You just have to find your niche, what's right for you.

 

And here I am, getting swept along in it with the rest of society.  But there is part of me that is screaming inside... WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Do what you would do for free, only ask to be paid for it.

Personally, I can't say that...because there are too many things I would do for free (I'm cheap labor, lol). I'm leaning toward eventually volunterring abroad, that's it. Just live my life in the service of others. I might get an anthropology degree too.

 

Ideally, in the spring of 2012, I will head out.  Out of this cage that I feel I am in by attempting to live like others, and out of the area.  I was born a nomad at heart, and it is time for me to indulge in that side of me.

What about your guy and all?

 

on Jun 25, 2009

What about your guy and all?

Coming along, as long as he stays on my good side. 

on Jun 25, 2009

Coming along, as long as he stays on my good side.

 

Uh oh, so if I happen to see some guy laying in the ditch mumbling something about you - then I'll know who it is? *whew* Tough lady. lol

 

Be well, ~Alderic

on Jun 25, 2009

Uh oh, so if I happen to see some guy laying in the ditch mumbling something about you - then I'll know who it is? *whew* Tough lady. lol

Hahaha, he's tougher than I am, so really, you might find one, or even both of us laying in that ditch. 

on Jun 25, 2009

Hahaha, he's tougher than I am, so really, you might find one, or even both of us laying in that ditch.

 

LOL

 

Well, I'll keep that in mind. Any idea where you might head? I hear the west coast (minus California) is pretty nice.

 

Be well, ~Alderic

on Jun 25, 2009

Going all Forest Gump? Sounds really like a great idea. You should go to Europe, we have all those very nice old pilgrimage walkways over the Alps and all over, and they are really great. Just an idea

on Jun 25, 2009

 

You should go to Europe, we have all those very nice old pilgrimage walkways over the Alps and all over, and they are really great. Just an idea

Actually, I have thought about that, and not just Germany and Denmark, but Ireland as well, simply because of my fascination with my heritage.

However, I think that it is sad that so few American's actually understand very much about their own country, not just in history and culture, but in geography, and environment.  So I would likely go through the United States and Canada first, and then go back to work long enough to get enough money to go over to Europe.

Any idea where you might head? I hear the west coast (minus California) is pretty nice.

Haha, yes, I am sure Oregon is beautiful,

Actually, we would likely head up through Wyoming, to Nebraska, and the Dakotas, back over to Montana, and up into Canada.  Back down has yet to be discussed. 

 

on Jun 25, 2009

Haha, yes, I am sure Oregon is beautiful,

I'm sorry to say this, but west of the cascades is best; I'm sure you've seen enough desert and all. It's lush, green, and wet.

 

Actually, we would likely head up through Wyoming, to Nebraska, and the Dakotas, back over to Montana, and up into Canada. Back down has yet to be discussed.

 

Wyoming? Then you'll have to check out Cody - it is nestled next to the Tetons. It is magnificent.

 

Be well, ~Alderic

on Jun 25, 2009

I don't know why, but Cody sounds vaguely familiar...  I think I have been there before, though it would have been when I was very young.

Thank you for the recommendation, I will keep it in mind.

on Jun 25, 2009

I don't know why, but Cody sounds vaguely familiar... I think I have been there before, though it would have been when I was very young.

 

Mmm, I went there in 1998 to visit an aunt, so it's been a while.

 

thank you for the recommendation, I will keep it in mind.

 

Sure thing, my travel service is always open!

 

Be well, ~Alderic

on Jun 25, 2009

Mmm, I went there in 1998 to visit an aunt, so it's been a while.

I'm thinking very young, as in late 80's here. 

 

on Jun 25, 2009

I'm thinking very young, as in late 80's here.

 

Mmm, that would be young, lol. G'ah I'm so done with Ock.

Anyways...

Be well, ~Alderic

on Jun 25, 2009

Lol, I think you got yourself into that one.

Remember, you can't take so much stuff so personally.  He was angry and annoyed and made a sweeping generalization, and you did fall for his trap, and took it personally. 

on Jun 25, 2009

Remember, you can't take so much stuff so personally. He was angry and annoyed and made a sweeping generalization, and you did fall for his trap, and took it personally.

I wasn't taking it personally so much as his attitude pissed me off, and then when he started dragging the past in...THAT is when it got personal.People need to just friggin' cool it. (See why I'm so cynical about the world/people? ) However, I did stick my nose where it shouldn't have gone. Meh, I don't know...I just have this tendency to have no tolerance for people like how ock behaved (a la LW). World's too fucked up as is for more.

 

 

Anyways, beers for everyone!

 

Be well, ~Alderic

 

on Jun 25, 2009

then when he started dragging the past in...THAT is when it got personal.

Trap.  LoL.

Meta
Views
» 536
Comments
» 26
Category
» Life
Sponsored Links