I now understand why American's are so apathetic.  Sadly, it is beginning to happen to me as well.  You see, at first you are hopeful, hopeful that your opinions matter, that you, as an American citizen matter, that you have a voice through your vote.  But then you begin to realize that it doesn't matter what party you vote for, you are going to be bent over, and screwed by both parties. 

So to escape the problems caused by our government, we delude ourselves with things that we are told are important, careers, new houses, new cars, newest technology, etc.  We get so caught up in whether or not we are going to be able to pay off that 15,000$ line of credit that we took out to pay for all the STUFF that we felt we needed to have.

And here I am, getting swept along in it with the rest of society.  But there is part of me that is screaming inside... WHY DOES IT MATTER? 

I get so stressed out about my job, about whether or not I am needed in my position, about the possibility of being let go because the military doesn't give a shit about contractors. 

I have been stressed out about my living situation, because three days after I moved into my new apartment, the landlord told us that his living situation had fallen through, so we needed to be out by the end of the month.

I am stressed about my PoS car that has a failing transmission, and the fact that I can't afford another car that wont be the same, or worse, off than the one I have now.  I refuse to go into debt, for me, credit seems alarmingly stupid.

I have been stressed out with all the little SHIT that constantly floods in, of society around me screaming YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE AND THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN IS TO BUY THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!

And I am so tired of it.

What is the point of working 40 hours a week, just so you can have the "best" place to live in?  The dream of having one's own home with 2.5 children, and a white picket fence just doesn't fit for me.  I don't want to have to lock myself into the worry for the rest of my life of "how am I going to pay these bills if I lose this job."  And that is what our society is centered on.

Why?  Why, why, why?

I can't do it.  I cannot sit here, and make plans about where I am going to live, for how long, and what is plan B if this job begins to layoff, and how much do we have in savings...  I just can't.  It's pointless for me.  I don't aspire to be rich, or famous, or normal.  I simply want to enjoy life my way, which means discovering who and what I am, and the growth and developement of my spiritual side.  None of that includes working at a 40 hour/week desk jobb, leasing an apartment, and planning for future children.

So I am getting out of this "normalcy."  I am going to spend the next year and a half putting everything into order, canceling certain services, saving up a bit of money, and selling the majority of my "stuff." And then I am going to start walking.  To nowhere... to everywhere.  I am going to learn how to live by depending only on myself, and my abilities, whether it concerns medicine, or food.  It will simply be me, and the harsh reality of nature.

Ideally, in the spring of 2012, I will head out.  Out of this cage that I feel I am in by attempting to live like others, and out of the area.  I was born a nomad at heart, and it is time for me to indulge in that side of me. 

Here's to hoping, and attempting to avoid apathy.