(I have suffered from intense bouts of depression since my early teens.  My religion at the time dictated that I turn to God, to fast, and pray, which I did fervently, believing that only through God could I be saved from myself.  Despite my sincerity, my desperation, the depression continued to come and go.  There were several points in my life that I hit such an extreme low that I could not see any reason to continue existing.  This is from a journal entry at one of those ...

Abandoned. Here I kneel, head bowed, the rough planks of the wood digging into the soft smooth skin of my knees, the tender palms of my hands. My hair, tangled, untouched, falls over my face, protecting me from the glare of the salty sun. I am abandoned, here. I lift my eyes, glancing out towards the ocean between the dark heavy bars of my cage. There's a froth-rimmed wave, it's folding itself closer and closer to me, giving me the sense that it is unlike any other wave that has wash...

For the past few weeks, I have felt suspended in time, suspended somewhere between the past year, and whatever may come. I know there are a lot of things happening right now that I don't see, and I try to take comfort in this fact, but the waiting is irrefutably wearing me down.  I often find myself wondering if I will forever be frozen in this state of transition, forever feeling as though I am in overdrive, preparing for something that may never happen. I suppose I should be us...